These Tears

With these eyes of tears
I will sleep
Sleeping farther away
From the reality

Running in my thoughts
To security
Running as fast as I can
To somewhere safe

In my mind, rest assured
It’s my mind
In there I know everything’s fine

Where my heart is
Is where the pain is
Where my past is
Is where the guilt is

Living years
With this burden on my back
This brute of a past
Plaguing my thoughts and future

These tears fall in vain
There is no way to stop them
And they fall with no purpose
Except to show the deepening of my own depression

This lie of a life
This hole in an ocean
No one knows
And because no one knows
No one can really care

They can’t know
I can’t let them
These things shouldn’t be known
They shouldn’t be told

Let them stay hidden
In the expanses of my mind
In the outrage of my guilt
How these thoughts plague my life

I can’t change them
I sure as hell can’t move them
I can’t diminish them
So I have to feel them

Feel them in a deepness
That leaves my eyes dry
Feel them until I can’t feel them again
Until they are forgotten

But they always come back
Somehow, they torture me night and day

--------------------------------------------------

Everyone has their secrets. Some more than others. One night, I was talking to a friend about how I have many secrets that I would like to tell people so that they know the real me, and she asked me "If no one knows the real you, can they be your real friends?" At first, I thought it was crazy talk, but a couple minutes later, I took it to heart. I started to cry and ran to my blog, where I sat and listened to "In Repair" by John Mayer and typed the lyrics as I listened. Then I said "well good nite. with these eyes of tears i will sleep", and from there it started.