Playing Poker

Are you insecure?
Do you ever feel alone?
What about when their eyes
Seem to see into your bones?

Are you overconfident?
Do you wish you were?
Stop pretending, people can
See through the lies

Here I am, the biggest
Hypocrite of them all
Playing it cool,
Saying, "those fools,"
While inside, I'm nothing

Here I sit, the biggest
Pessimist of them all
Playing the cards,
Saying, "they're not dealt right,"
When before, I was
Who mixed them

My insides
Betray my eyes
And my wants only speak
Infidelities to my thoughts

My legs take me
To places I don't
Want to go
While my mind tells me
It knows where it's going
It knows...

Here I write, the biggest
Dreamer of them all
Wishing I was
The cool guy, strutting down
All those eyes following him
Like flies on a summer day

And like flies,
They'll only bother
But I can't help wanting
What is there

And like irony,
My mind smothers
What remains in my heart
And says it wants
Something else

--------------------------------------------------

I was listening to Jimmy Eat World's song "Always Be," and seeing the music video at the same time. There was a comment that was talking about the main guy character of the video, and that he was a nerd or something. I could relate. This poem is pretty obvious. I know that the popular, gorgeous people have problems of their own and I probably shouldn't want to be them, but I can't help it. Every teenager can't help it, I think. Unless they're a popular, gorgeous person. I don't know why, but I already make a heirarchy in my mind of the people at school- the coolest on top. And it's apparent that I don't feel I'm near the top, according to this. Oh, the "insides betray my eyes" part is just saying that what I want changes, because I know I shouldn't want to be what I see and sometimes I don't, but most of the time I do.