Nonexistent

I’m so clueless
I’m so helpless
She’s so beautiful
So, so gorgeous

Maybe I love her
What if I do?
Maybe I make her happy
What if I can?
Maybe I’ll kiss her
What if I want to?

What if I do?
What if I want to?
Maybe I should forget it
But she taunts me everyday

With her eyes
And that gliding walk
Her everyday movements
Make her more beautiful

I look on and wonder
At how amazing it would be
To have her in my arms
And tend to her every need

But her life is not for me
She lives for another
While I waste my breath on her,
And while words I utter
Come out of my heart
She tears me apart

What is she to me?
A dream or an illusion?
A goal or an obsession?
Why all the questions and oppressions?

I only ask you, blank page
Because I know the answer
She does not want me
And so I am alone

The bird flies to the sky
Always staring at its greatness
And longs to be with it
But knows it’s too high

The heart longs to divulge
But how? Tell me,
If nothing is by its side
To make it beat again

For I am alone
Like a bird in my heart,
I am trapped
I long for that
Which cannot be touched
When no hope exists
Of even living
Or dying
Or breathing
Or sleeping
Or loving… near it

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This was a poem when I just liked someone and they didn't like me back. And it was really unusual for me because at that point I hadn't liked someone for maybe four years, and then to just randomly like someone and not be able to have them was like torture. It was such a new feeling, and such a strange sensation. It was weird.